Hi there,
We need to talk.
If I could go back in time and do one thing, I would warn myself of two things:
- The 2016 election
- Post-grad depression
Post-grad depression is absolutely real, and much like the 2016 election, you won't see it coming because no one is talking about it. I graduated in 2015. After around 3 months of what I am going to call my post-grad glow, my new 9-5 work-life routine began to feel dull. I attributed this feeling to simply 'becoming an adult' and merging into a regimen. But this overwhelming feeling of dullness did not go away. I knew one thing for sure: it wasn't my job. I loved my job and I was lucky enough to be doing rewarding work at a non-profit with my friends. But something was off, and it took me years to be able to understand what had happened, how, and why.
In hopes of saving someone from this experience, here is everything I know and learned:
DEFINITION: Post-grad depression is not in the DSM-5, but it is a concept that is often describing the anxiety, loneliness, and sadness one may feel post-graduating. Some attribute it to college being defined as "the best days of your life" which is basically a fun way of telling someone every step they take post-college will be downhill. But I think it's a little deeper than just that, I think our bodies simply are not trained for the lifestyles we choose post-college (no matter one's path).
I chose to work at a non-profit: 9 am to 5 pm, 4 days a week, 40-55 hours in an office. My body was literally unprepared for a new life where I would be sedentary and staring at a computer screen 40-55 hours per week in a dimly lit office.
But if you think about it - who is? How are we prepped for our different work paths if our entire lives have been built on completely different schedules? Up until we turned 17, we were trained to start school at 8 am, end at 3 pm, and have 4 scheduled breaks throughout the day. We were given the opportunity to move, socialize, meet new people. In college, we are given the freedom to build our own schedules, to explore, to skip our classes if we'd like. We get to study different topics, take breaks to reflect, cram when we want to (even if our preferred method was just the night before). We had huge organizations for every single subject you wanted to explore. We had teams and companionship everywhere you looked. Then we graduate, and we get a 9-5, and we sit in a cubicle all day. We see the same 5 people every day. What happened to the exploration? The freedom to structure your own schedule? The agency to choose what you do and when to do it?
Here's my theory: There's always talk that everyone is attracted to young startups & offices with 'fun' office culture because people like free food and slurpees. I don't think that's it, necessarily. While free food and slurpees are important, I think the reason a lot of people are moving towards offices with a plethora of snacks in the kitchen, ping-pong tables rather than desks, and bean bag chairs for group meetings is because it's the closest people can find to what their bodies have been trained to see as normal. In college, you learn to scope out free food like its your full-time job, you go to events for the free t-shirts, and when you really have to do your work, you sit in with friends just to make it a little more bearable. Isn't aiming to work in a place where there are free perks, fun people, and freedom to move around, simply human nature for those who have been trained to do so their entire lives?
Again, this is just my theory, but I think this is what caused me to hit rock bottom post-college. I no longer met new people, I was forced into a structured life-style that I didn't like, and there were absolutely no free perks, if anything, I just had to learn to pay for basic things like parking.
Post-college, no one tells you how hard it is to make friends. No one tells you how difficult it is to shove all the things you love to do into the 2 hours you actually have free after work (yes, it really only does come down to two hours, because you have to commute, you have to eat, you have to stop home and let the dog out, and due to early mornings, you'll be exhausted and ready to pass out by 10pm). Rinse & repeat. This is not what I thought life was, and it's not how I want to live it, either.
Solutions: Until I stumble over a large pot of money that can save me from capitalism and chaining myself to a 9-5 every day, here are my list of solutions, or more accurately, ways to cope:
Find hobbies, find the things you love. Then find friends there.
Whether its Meetup groups, your soccer team, or an activist group - find your thing and stick through it. I began my post-college career in tears about how I had no one to do anything with, anymore. Then I realized - I just had to go and face the discomfort of being alone. Once you push through the discomfort, you'll find people everywhere. You will find yourself making friends with people on the subway, in coffee shops, at the art museum, waiting in line for food. Protip: Keep your phone in your pocket. Yes, I know how uneasy it makes you feel, but it'll force you to start conversations and be attentive and present.
Take breaks during your work day to avoid burnout.
No one can mentally or physically work for 8 hours straight without a break, so take breaks, and make the most of them. One thing a couple of us have started in our office is playing HQ trivia together every day. It gives us a fun break to look forward to. Take 5 minutes and go on a walk outside, immerse yourself in nature, even if its only for a short period of time, it'll help freshen your mind and do your job better.
If you have the privilege of doing so, find a workplace that aligns with your values so you can feel comfortable bringing your whole self to work.
Women, people of color, those in lower socioeconomic communities, the LGBT+ community, and other marginalized groups, are unsurprisingly discouraged from bringing their whole selves to work. It's even worse for those who have intersecting identities. What you'll find is that if you can't talk about who you truly are, what you did on the weekend, why you can't afford to eat lunch out with the team every day, or how your green card situation is stressing you out, then you will not only feel torn between your true self and your work self, but you will also rarely be humanized in your working community. I want to emphasize: this is not your own fault, this is stemming from the racist/patriarchal/capitalistic system the workforce was built on. And the blame is to be put on the shoulders of those who uphold, implement, and encourage it. Unfortunately, often times, no matter a companies intention, they may leave you feeling unable to bring your whole self to work. So if you can afford to do it, I highly encourage you to look for a job that aligns with your values and sees you as human first, employee second.
In conclusion, yes, post-grad depression is real. But there are ways to cope, ways to make it less painful, and ways to find communities of people who can relate. I hope that this piece can at least give you some hope that you are not alone, and that what you are feeling is more valid. We need to talk about mental health. We need to talk about coping, surviving, and the stigma. We need to normalize these conversations because the more we do, the more accessible we make the resources for help.
Take care of yourself, here are some resources:
Mental Health Applications for your Phone
Anxiety and Depression Association of America
Mental Health America
National Alliance on Mental Illness
